Ohmigawds ohmigawds, ambp has finally made another competition which I am actually eager to win the grand prize.
So what’s the movie title this time? Hancock….
The first time i heard the title I was like? Huh? Hand? Cock? HandCock? It must almost definitely be a weird movie… Images were running into my mind… One image was a hand… The other one was a cock…
… as in male chicken (yeah right! lol..)….
So this HandCock is a weird hybrid between a Hand and a chicken. If you think thats weird you should watch the current cartoons being shown. Have you seen CatDog? 2 different animals joined together at waist… I have no idea how their digestive system works as at one end you have a cat, at the opposite end you have a dog… Do they alternate between eating and excreting? What about Spongebob Squarepants? Never have I seen such an “ugly” cartoon character which has the face texture equivalent to a young boy reaching maturity full of hormones and such.. If that wasn’t a good example then just imaging the texture of the moon. I think I’m getting weirder by the day to even think of a Hand and Chicken hybrid, don’t blame me, I a victim of consequence. The consequence of a deadly mixture of boredom and Astro reruns lead me to watch all these cartoons which in turn affect the way I think..
Anyway… Back to HandCock….
Doing some research, the character Hancock may as well be a HandCock… Why? Because he doesn’t fit in. I wonder what society would accept a real life HandCock…
Ergh… AMBP isn’t sponsored by GSC this time is it? I can’t give a rendition of the sypnosis anymore, so what I ll do is give a rendition of the HandCock trailer that they supplied on their “if I was a Santa Claus I would be Superman” post. I think I got that title wrong, anyway… Let’s begin…
First scene we see some “bad people” escaping from the police. The police requesting for backup. Out of nowhere we see HandCock fly out of nowhere drinking presumably a magic potion. It is not uncommon to see “normal” people gain superheroic powers thanks to external stimuli such as Asterisk, Popeye, Marion Jones and others… I’ll have whatever HandCock’s having, yesiree! That’s smart marketing, showing that a person can fly after/while drinking their product.
Bang! HandCock flies through some traffic sign which was blocking his way, if only it was an Olympic sport, it would appear as though he just crossed the finish line. Maybe he is? It did not mention anywhere in the trailer what he was doing, I think the trailer would make a greater impact if he wore some sportswear and had a number stapled to his shirt. Add in a headband and a crowd and we have a “winner”.
Then we see HanCock sitting with the “bad people”. He tells them to “lift yourselves up” (might have been different but the audioclips quality was not so good so that’s what I heard). The other people in the car start yelling, probably because HanCock was dangling his bottle of magic potion in front of them. HanCock probably thought they were lazy and wanted him to lift them up, to this he said “OK”, and lifted all of them including the vehicle up.
Then we can hear some newscaster announcing how the city is not happy with him. Of course the city is not happy with him. He’s so stingy not sharing his magic potion.
He even proudly told some old lady that he’s “been drinkin’” it.
Next scene we see HandCock crashing to the ground… Hmm… This HanCock movie is becoming more and more like the Olympics. The way he landed was similar to how people land in the long jump event…
Then HandCock meets an oracle who has the ability of prenomition, we know this because he claims that he knew HandCock was coming. He claims to know a thing or two about public relations. I guess knowing how people will react in the future helps in someway.
Next we have the discus throwing event, where we see HanCock throwing a rather large discus… Could be something else but I can’t see clearly due to the poor quality of the clip. A disembodied voice tells HandCock that people don’t like him. He doesn’t really care… Thanks to years of attending self appreciation classes I assume… Or maybe he’s goth? Yeah… He should be… He fits one of a common Goth’s profile… He doesn’t smile…Well smiling is difficult if you’re half Cock. And cocks have beaks. I imagine that I can’t physically be able to smile if I had a beak instead of a mouth.
Anyway… the trailer picks up it’s pace all of a sudden. We manage to see HandCock do an uninassissted highjump. Then we see him winning a tug of war with people in orange coloured jump suits.
I think people are begining to appreciate his sport talents, as in one of the scenes we see a crowd “cheering” for him.
Then he says that “life can be difficult for me, because I am the only one of my kind”. Yup. Half-hand, half-chicken, you’re definitely one of a kind. Somehow I suddenly have an urge for KFC. I don’t know why.
In the next scene, which is kind of disturbing in a way, the oracle looks down around HandCock’s waist. What he is seeing is off-screen. HandCock exclaimed that “he ain’t wearing that”. I can only assume its an embarrassing g-string thong. HandCock probably loses his mind and starts having a leather fetish and starts wearing a skin tight leather jump suit. If he had a helmet he could resemble a black Ultraman. Anyway, as proof that he wore the g-string thong, he told some random guy that it was kind of tight…
From this point onwards everything happens so fast, and the teaser makes HandCock more and more sexually themed probably because of his newly discovered fetish. Random stuff that I heard that made me make this assumption.
“HandCock, I need You..”
“Can I touch you?”
“Yeah, make it look hard…”
The last thing we hear from HandCock in the trailer is a satisfied “aaah”…
anyway not to forget…
Answers for the questions that AMBP forces me to answer..(which can easily be remedied by copy-pasting from various sources, maybe other bloggers? :p)
i) Who plays the eponymous character in the movie Hancock?
Will Smith
ii) Fill in the blanks: In a bid to save a whale, Hancock heaves it out to sea, only to see it smash a sailboat.
