Can I do it?

There was a time in my life that I was not single. Unfortunately for me it did not last long. There are many different reasons that could have attributed to my downfall. One of them is my proximity to people of the opposite gender.

Believe it or not. I was once shy of girls. I have no sisters. I grew up attending an all boy primary school followed by an all guy secondary school.

I was a hopeless guy who found girls sacred. If I was to sit next to a girl, I would attempt to distance myself in a way that there would be no physical contact. Basking in the presence of a girl was a divine gift. I could not even summon courage to talk to any girls.

After I ended my schooling life, I slowly changed. The way I percieved girls were different. The way I looked at them became more realistic compared to my idealistic past perception.

I grew more bold. I was more prone to being physical.

I used to have a reputation in college. Some of my friends knew me as the guy who “knew more girls than guys” or “knows all the hot chicks in college”. It does not seem as grand as it sounds. Most of the girls I knew then were more or less hi and bye friends.

I have been called a “buaya” (crocodile, synonymous with wolf). I tend to be more physical than required when it comes to girls.

There was a time 2 girls taught me how to be “cool”. Cool in the sense of how I should treat girls in a colder manner. My immediate thought to it was that I did not really like “cool” guys. I found “cool” guys arrogant. After a long time, I finally saw the good side of being a cool guy (I am not one). The good side is cool guys don’t seem desperate when it comes to girls. I do not know if my current attitude shows me as someone who is desperate for a girl, but I do feel that I need change.

I always tell myself if I have a girlfriend I would be loyal to her. My heart would belong to her and other girls would not be of any matter. The problem was the way I act can cause my would be girlfriend to doubt my loyalty.

I would say, my loyalty to a girl need not be questioned. The fact is it can hurt a girl if they see the person they like are too close to other people. The fact is the girl will fear that they might one day lose the person they love to another person.

Temptation?

Regardless. I am happy to have friends that care for me. They point out my where I am going wrong.

Some people brand me as a “playboy”. I would say it’s an exageration, however I have heard it once too many times to no longer ignore.

I will try and reduce my proximity. I will try not to be so ”touchy”.

It is my resolution, it is my resolve..